This Shit is Hard

I just need to complain for a little.

It's been hard lately.  A tough month in the Harnation household. We've been overwhelmed by sickness, church obligations, work changes, travel, and no sleep.

I think these are those times when we're worn down and feel attacked.  It's when we're most vulnerable to give in to our sinful natural reactions.

It's when I lose my temper.

It's when the ugliness inside that I try so hard to control comes out.

It's when I need my Savior.  And boy do I need Him today.

Prince George.  He is often found being wheeled around in the wagon during nursery at church because it's the only way he's happy.

This parenting thing is no joke.  We are 100% responsible for ensuring that these two little people survive into adulthood.

But it's more than that.  We've been entrusted with their safekeeping for just a short time.  Our responsibilities to them reach past not killing them because they've woken us up 7 times by 3 AM.

We've been entrusted with raising them in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord."

What the heck does that mean?

I don't know exactly what all it encompasses, but I know that it starts by loving them as Christ loves us.  Praying for them daily.  Living out our lives as an example for them.

That's hard.

It means loving my husband, their father, my "baby daddy".  And not throwing the pillow at him in the middle of the night and then telling him the next morning that when his snoring wakes me up during the precious 30 minutes of sleep I get between kids waking me up, "It makes me want to kill you... RIGHT NOW!!"

Aww.  No one looks like they're ready to kill anyone in this photo.

And then there's this: publicly committing to raise my children for Christ seems to put some things back into perspective.  It makes the lack of sleep and the fussiness, snot, tears, and frustration seem insignificant in the face of eternity.

Eternity

I need to let that sink in, because I truly want to spend eternity with these people that I love so much.  Especially my baby daddy, even if he snores.

3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;

bind them around your neck;

write them on the tablet of your heart.

4  So you will find favor and good success

in the sight of God and man.

5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

6  In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

Psalm 3:3-6

Georgie Porgie

 

George Alexander was born on May 23rd after a quick labor.  He was 9 lbs, 4 oz, and 21 inches long. 

Since my "little" baby is now 15 weeks old (and 18 lbs!), what better time to put up some photos of him for the first time?

Here are some of the photos from his newborn photo shoot.  We never did one with Anne Marie and I had a little bit of guilt over it, so we bit the bullet and bought a package from a great local photographer to document George over the first year.

 

The transition "to two" has really not been too bad.  Don't get me wrong - there are moments of hell - but over all, it's been pretty good.  Anne Marie had a rough go of it for the first week or so (lots of meltdowns and tantrums), but has otherwise adjusted quite well. In fact, I'm much more likely to have to try to protect George from being over-loved by her.

George, while still a normal baby with some serious fussy spells, is a pretty good baby.  Other than his terrible habit of waking me up 5-7 times nightly, he's generally very pleasant.  He has really started cooing, talking, and grabbing at things within the last month.

He especially likes it when you make direct eye contact and pay attention to him. He does not like feeling ignored.

Here is G on the quilt that my sister is making for him!  I can't wait to see it when she's done. 

 It's going by fast.  We're really trying to find the things we enjoy about the baby stage (like snuggles!) instead of wishing it away and looking forward to more independence.

George does seem to be sensitive to the dairy protein like Anne Marie was, so I'm off of dairy for the foreseeable future.   But I think he's worth it!

TEN

I wanted to list out some things that have happened in the last ten years of our life together, but somehow that's not possible when I have a screaming 11 day old wanting my full attention.

So I'll make this brief.

Somehow we went from this...

to this...

and then this happened...

Over the last decade, I have shared the best and the worst of myself with this man.  I have had his children and loved him with my entire selfish and sinful heart.

I love you, MJ.

Happy Anniversary.

Back In

So, now that we've been back in the house for several weeks, it's starting to feel like home again.  Thankfully all of the major stuff was done in plenty of time for Baby Bravo's arrival and we've had a chance to get settled in.  There are still a few minor things left on the to do list (like changing out switches, etc.), but nothing major.

I'm pretty happy with how everything turned out.  Although I would *never* volunteer to go through this again, at least now that we're back in the house, we're enjoying the new paint, flooring, and other miscellaneous details that we were able to pick out ourselves.

I wish I had some good before photos, but alas, had no idea that this remodel was coming and therefore don't have anything good to share.  (All of the before photos were taken before we owned the house, with the previous owner's furniture, back when I was in VA and Matt was looking at the house).

We darkened the green kitchen (before, it was almost a faded sage green) walls, and went ahead and had a smooth ceiling installed since all of the drywall/ceiling had to be replaced anyway.  The smooth ceiling and the addition of a backsplash were the upgrades that we shelled out for.  We chose a tile that hides dirt really well and ties the brown wood of the cabinets with the black of the granite counter tops. The cabinets are a darker brown with a black glaze to enhance the "architectural details".

Our designer helped us pick out a lot of our color and tile choices.  She also came up with this backsplash picture frame design, which I really like.  You can also see the black glaze on the cabinets along the edges of the doors.

We added the sheer full-length curtains on the windows to help out when the morning sun is blinding us during breakfast and to add some height to the windows.  I found them online at Wal-Mart and am pretty happy with how they look in the space.

Before:

After:

We chose the color in the main living area after seeing it at Wade's cousin's lake house.  We really liked the gray shade that had just a hint of blue in it in his guest room, but I wasn't sure if it would work in our living space.  However, Matt told me that he was sick of tan and almost insisted on the gray.  He chose well and I'm pretty happy with how it looks once it was all painted, especially with the white trim.  (We had a really ugly almond color for all of the trim before and now it just looks so much cleaner and brighter!)

The mantle was refinished and came out really well.  It coordinates perfectly with my dining room table and the posts even match the legs of the dining room chairs.

Before:

After:

Another change we made was to extend the tile out from the kitchen to in front of the back door.  This was to protect the floor right there from both dog nails (as they try to bolt out the back door to chase a squirrel) and from wet feet as people come inside from the pool.

Before: 

 After:

I think the gray makes the ceilings much more dramatic as it brings out the contrast with the white ceiling.  Too bad they're all popcorn ceilings!

Before:

After:

We changed out all of the hardware in the half bath to brushed nickel and got a new mirror, wall color, and tile (same as in the kitchen/laundry room).  I really like the light blue green color on the walls and the white mirror with the pedestal sink.  I *hated* the old brass fixtures and light in this room but never got around to doing anything about it before now. 
  

Dining room:

Because the flooring in the den/dining/foyer was so damaged, we got new wood laid all the way to the office/nursery and then they came in and refinished it all at once.  We went with a little bit darker stain (Early American) in a satin finish and are pretty happy with it, especially since we had to have it coordinate with the wood on the front door and wood trim on the stairs and mantle.

I had been eyeing that chandelier for months before the pipe burst!  I stalked it online and waited till it went on sale before using a gift card that I had from Pottery Barn to pay for part of it.  We still have to pull up the extra cord, but I really love that light fixture in there!

Here's what it looks like up close:

Instead of completely replacing the upstairs back bath vanity, we were able to have it refinished.  I love love love it!  It's a little Restoration Hardware-ish (to go with our dining room table and new mantle finish) and looks really good with the new gray tile and light blue green wall (same color as the downstairs bath).  Now I really want to refinish the cabinets in my own bathroom!

If you need any recommendations on subcontractors, we had really good help with this remodel and would be happy to share recommendations with anyone interested.

A couple of funny stories from when we were in the apartment...

The first is when we came in one day to check on progress on the house and found a random pair of *dirty* boxers in the middle of the half bath.

Gross.

I mean, WHO does that?  Who leaves dirty underwear in the middle of the floor, in a construction site?!

I sent an email to our general contractor addressing a few other concerns and then added, "Third, there is a random pair of dirty underwear on the floor in the half bath downstairs.  This is not ours.  I guess I don't even know what to say about that one.  It's a little comical, but thought I'd ask that people not leave their underwear in my house."

Afterward, Matt confides in me that he thinks it could be possible that the underwear came from the back of the hollowed out sink pedestal base, which had just been removed, and could have been further "party trash" leftover from the previous owner's son (we've found all sorts of stuff hidden throughout the house/yard over the years).  I relayed this to our contractor, who was relieved to hear of the possible alternate source of the boxers and forwarded an email from his crew manager saying he couldn't believe it - he'd ask his guys - but he did think he saw a pair of underwear when he removed the sink base.

So... I'm not sure which is worse - dirty "party boxers" hidden in my house for at least the last three years, or some random contractor leaving his underwear in the middle of a job site!  Hopefully they didn't actually belong to one of OUR friends... (were they yours?)

The second had to do with living in the apartment.  We had a little bit of an adjustment period getting used to all of the noises that come from having so many neighbors in such close proximity.  Soon after a new guy moved in next door, I started being woken up 2-3 nights a week.  I was just suuuure it was the new kid with the BMW e46.

Finally, one night, at 2:30 AM, I'd had enough.  I got up, got dressed, and was going to hunt down whoever was playing that music, complete in all of my makeup free, retainer-mouthed, pregnant belly glory.  I marched outside, completely ticked off and ready to chew someone a new one.

Except the sound wasn't coming from one of my neighbors.

It was loud.  I thought someone in the complex must be having a party on their balcony but the complex was completely still and dead.  The sound was coming from over the hill.  So I came back in and tried to brainstorm what bar could be close enough to have such loud music to wake me up.

I told Matt about my dilemma and he suggested it had to be the strip club over the hill and down the road a bit.  I called the Sheriff and sure enough - they'd already had a complaint about it and had someone on the way to address the noise complaint.  Of course they were pretty astounded to hear that it was so loud that it'd been waking us up - inside our apartment - all the way down the road.

The music stopped about twenty minutes later.  But at that point I was so pissed I didn't go right back to sleep anyway.

Go figure.

At least I never gave into my temptation to bang on the wall and wake up the poor kid with the BMW because I was convinced it was him keeping me up!

I'm so thankful to be back in our house.  In the county.  In the quiet.  With only the coyotes and owls to listen to.

I'm so so soooo thankful that we made it back into our own home before we have this kid (who - unless he comes in the next three hours, is going to be just like his sister - late)!  I had been terrified that we'd have him while staying in a hotel, and am really grateful for those answered prayers to have everything wrapped up in time for his arrival.

Hypnobabies

I've gone back and forth about posting anything about this, but decided what the hell?

When I was pregnant with Anne Marie, Matt and I had planned to pursue a "natural birth" if possible.  We did our research, read the books, took a Bradley course.  Once labor got underway, some of that went out the window.  After two days of no sleep and a very slow but hard labor, I got an epidural.  It was the best thing for me (and I'm convinced saved me from a C-section), but part of me still wanted to be able to have a do-over. 

I had a hard recovery and wondered if some of that could have been avoided if I'd been able to have the birth I'd originally hoped for (which would have been easier had Anne Marie been turned the right way, but that's a story for another day). 

Let me just stop momentarily to say that I have no problems with modern medicine being used in childbirth as long as everyone is educated about the pros and cons of the options.  This is a really sensitive subject for women (and sometimes their husbands).  It seems like from the moment we go into labor, every decision we make as parents is subject to criticism and judgement.  I'm not trying to do that.  I just want to be able to have a better birth (and hopefully recovery) this time around.

So what made it so difficult for me last time?  1. I was exhausted and 2. Anne Marie was turned in a less-than-optimal position.

I started trying to research what I could do to combat my exhaustion.  Once labor started for me, it came on fast and I wasn't able to relax enough to really rest.  So this time I started by looking into ways to help me relax better. 

I found Hypnobirthing.  I bought the book and read it, but it was just a little too hokey for me.  I didn't think that by convincing myself I should NOT feel pain that I would completely avoid a hard labor.

I researched some more.  I read lots and lots of reviews, and they seemed to keep pointing me towards Hypnobabies.  I liked what I read about it.  It combined a lot of the things we liked about the Bradley Method (husband coached childbirth) with what I seemed to want to do naturally while in labor with Baby Girl (relax and go to my "quiet place" during each contraction). 

I have been hesitant to talk about it because it sounds so... weird.

I mean, I think it sounds weird.  Hypno-what?  So I knew other people would probably side-eye me if I started talking about it.

But I went ahead and ordered the home study course when it went on sale over Christmas, and let me just say... it's been really good so far!

It's not nearly as weird as I thought it would be.  It's really about just learning how to relax, how to turn your mind off, how to concentrate on relaxing your whole body, starting at your scalp, to your fingertips and toes.  And it's really worked for me so far.

As part of the home study course, I got a "free" MP3 download of their "Peaceful Sleep Now" for expectant moms.  By the time I started listening to it before bedtime, I'd entered the restless sleep stage of pregnancy (where I wake up and can't fall back asleep for hours, 3-4 times a week).  I was sleeping like a baby within two days of just playing the track on my ipod as I laid down at night.

The course is broken up into five weeks and each week  you read a new chapter (which includes all sorts of stuff that we covered in Bradley, like prenatal nutrition, prenatal exercises, potential issues that can arise during labor, etc.) and a set of two tracks that you should alternate every other day in order to practice your relaxation/self-hypnosis. 

They really stress "eyes open hypnosis" (I hate even using the word hypnosis!) because - let's face it - during labor, you're not really able to just lie completely still and quiet until the baby pops out.  You need to move around, to interact with people, especially once you get to the hospital, so you need to know how to do it while letting your body and stomach muscles relax.  

Every day, I really look forward to listening to the tracks.  It's seriously a treat to have 30 quiet minutes to play the track and have some time to myself.  If I listen to them before bed (usually the only time I get a chance to play them), I'm out cold in a matter of minutes.  If I'm lucky enough to play it during the day (like during Anne Marie's nap time), I feel the most refreshed I have all day by the time it's over.

Only time will tell if this helps me much during labor, but I'm already becoming a believer in its value just over the course of the last few months.  We've been through a little turmoil with the house and sleep has been hard to come by.  Except for the days when Matt's snoring (sorry, honey!) has kept me up, the hypnosis CDs have been worth their weight in gold just in the ability to help me sleep well at night.

Nerd Conference, Girls Trips, and House Demo

It's hard to blog when you have no home laptop because it got ruined in a flood of water falling from the kitchen ceiling!


The last several weeks have been a mix of fun, exhausting, and everything in between.

 First up, I met my college roommates in Chattanooga for a fun girls' trip.  We left all of our babies with their daddies and spent a couple of days shopping, eating, and getting pampered.

Robin, Becca, and Whitney

The next week, I headed to Kentucky for a super nerd conference while Matt hit the racetrack in Atlanta.  I submitted a paper for IEEE that was accepted, and my employer paid for me to go to the conference in order for my paper to be published.
 

The best part was that three of my coworkers/girlfriends agreed to come too!  They got to tour the Wild Turkey distillery while I made friends with the other super nerds at the conference, but showed up just in time to crash my briefing.

I'm pretty sure I was the only pregnant girl at the conference.  And to have an entourage of three cute females, I am even more convinced we stuck out like a sore thumb in the sea of (literally) hundreds of engineers.

 Manda, Becca, Staci, and Jennifer

It was the perfect trip.  We had a great drive up, got to chat about our lives/husbands/babies/jobs, eat really good food, sleep in (on really good beds!), and just enjoy one another.

I really love these girls.  

And the food was super delicious too!

When I got home, I was refreshed and able to enjoy these two, the loves of my life:

Anne Marie has really been testing me lately.  I guess it's the "terrible twos".  But when she's "on", I have the most fun with the cutest little rascal I could have ever asked for.

She's also entertaining me throughout the work week as Dad sends me updates of their escapades while I'm at the office. 

Here they are at the museum playing with hats...

On the house front, things are starting to turn around.

We spent the first three weeks of January in a hotel before State Farm hooked us up with a furnished apartment.  The location is great and we're really thankful to have a place to sleep and fix (very) simple meals.  However, I miss my house! 

Anne Marie has become very wary of sounds and often comes running with a worried cry of "Noisy!" whenever she hears the neighbors upstairs walking around or flushing the toilet.  The bed in our room is so cheap that we have been rolling into the middle and bouncing the other almost out of the bed anytime one of us moves at night.  And let's not forget poop patrol... having a fenced-in back yard for the dogs to roam is such a luxury... following the dogs around with a plastic baggy at the apartment multiple times a day is a lot less enjoyable.

Hopefully we won't be in the apartment for too much longer.  The house is finally starting to come along.  After seeing almost no progress on the house for almost eight weeks, things started to turn around this month. 

My kitchen has gone from looking like this:



and this:



To this...

New floors, ceilings, walls, paint, and cabinets (pictured mid-refinish) in the kitchen!  They just put the lower cabinets back in and the granite in on Monday.  We still need them to finish up the cabinets, shelve out the pantry, and install the backsplash.   

The living room got all new hardwood flooring (just sanded and stained in this photo), replacement door and trim, and fresh paint.

Matt and I spent all day Saturday trying to get some of the things on the contractor's list that we could handle ourselves done in order to save a little bit of money.  By the end of the day, when Matt started to talk about how he'd like to move the cabinet on his side of the master bath up 4-6 inches (you know, because he's freakishly tall), I started to cry.  I didn't want to add another single item to our to do list.  It's felt so overwhelming!

We've still got a lot of work left to wrap up, but it's looking manageable now.  Things are looking like we can (crossing fingers and toes) be back in the house before Baby Bravo makes his arrival.

We have a lot of crap to move back into the affected rooms, so don't be surprised if you get a mass email begging for help in the coming weeks!

November Photoshoot and Catch Up

A couple of months ago, Matt, Anne Marie, and I met up with Sarah Lyn and had our first ever family photo session!  This was actually Matt's and my first professional photography shoot since getting married, if you don't count that church directory mug head shot about eight years ago!  I'm so happy with them that I'm just going to scatter them throughout this post since I don't have any prints and can't pull them up on my computer screen saver (because it died in the pipe burst).

One of the things I cheaped out on was professional baby photos of Anne Marie.  I figured I had enough talented photographers in my family and could save on the cash (those baby sessions are expensive, y'all!).

I kind of regret that now. 

I have a very talented sister who was always more than willing to take photos for us, but she did have an adorably photographic spawn of her own to document, after all.

I'm thinking that I will have to suck it up and just bite the bullet for Number 2.

Which, by the way, we are expecting in May.  Baby Bravo (boy) is due mid May!



We're excited, a little nervous, and praying for an easy transition to two.  The transition to parenthood was quite the doozy for me and I had a really hard time adjusting.  Since we've already been through the "lifestyle change" to having kids, and Anne Marie is just so darn fun these days, we knew we wanted more kids.

Just not more babies.

Ughh.  I feel like a wretch sometimes but I really don't want another baby.  Does that even make sense?  I am so excited about Baby Bravo, so excited to meet and hold and snuggle him, but I am seriously having anxiety about going through the baby stage again.  I broke down into (ugly) tears in the middle of the hallway at work talking to Amanda about it several weeks ago. 

Those first 6-8 months were just... So. Hard.



Not that we have things figured out by now, but at least I know we're not going to die and our lives aren't ruined.  Anne Marie sure has plenty of spunk (temper tantrums?) and it's not always smooth sailing, but we really are enjoying her.  Every day is something new and fun with her and I can get just giddy thinking about how much I love that little girl!

I feel like I want to tell new parents, "It will be SO HARD at first, but then it will be SO FUN!"  I think it's the best decision we ever made (to have kids).  And I say "decision" because it was a very conscious decision for us.  We were never the couple that always knew we'd want to have kids one day.  There was a long time where we actually loathed the idea, to be honest, and didn't know if it would be good for us.

But God has tested and stretched us and I feel like I've learned so much in the last 20 months.  Parenthood has tested (and then strengthened) our marriage.  It's taught me a lot about my own sinfulness and selfishness.   It's taught me about God's provision for me, for my family, His goodness and steadfast love.  It's been THE most challenging and rewarding things I've ever done.  And I'm just beginning to learn and grow.  I have a long way to go!

Anne Marie.

What can I say about that kid?  She melts my heart.  She can make me so frustrated and yet so completely gooey-eyed all within the same five minutes.  She went through a phase about a month ago where she would lie down and throw a screaming/kicking tantrum on the floor... sometimes 5-6 times a day.  And now she'll run up to me, wrap her arms around me, give me a big kiss, and say, "Hold me!"

Seriously.  If that girl asked me for a pony at the right moment, I would have a hard time exercising any type of self control.

But what I love most about having her is watching her play with Matt.  He is wonderful with her.  Throws her in the air, wrestles, tickles, and just loves on her.  He reads her endless amounts of books (seriously, he seems so much more patient than me.).   She woke up crying in the hotel this morning and I put her in bed with Matt while I took a shower and got dressed.  Watching those two curled up together asleep was about the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I'm also really enjoying how much she loves and is loved by our family.  There is no shortage of willing baby watchers whenever Matt and I have errands to run or are in need of a date night.

My dad is incredibly wonderful with the kids.  He keeps Anne Marie and Emmett Tues-Thurs while Amanda and I both work part-time.  He's always coming up with new activities for them and sending them home with expanded vocabularies.  He teaches them well and loves them just as thoroughly.

And speaking of Emmett... "E" is about the one person Anne Marie wants to see at any given time.  She loves him and says his name about 20 times a day.  (And who, in their right mind, could ever resist those beautiful "E" eyes?!!)

Even though those two know how fight over toys with the best of them, they are still big buddies.  They are two little tornadoes together, playing (and destroying) all over the house. 

Anne Marie is actually sharing with Emmett here.  If I didn't have photographic evidence, y'all might not believe me...

In non-baby news, two of our most beloved friends are moving out of town and we are just heartbroken over the loss.  Charlie and Lynne have been more than our pastor and his wife.  They've been our mentors, teachers, political debators, friends, and so much more. 

We've had a long-held agreement where Matt will come over and help with something around the house and Lynne will cook for us.  About the second time we came over to do this, Matt finally broke out, "Guys, I feel like we're really just taking advantage of you.  It's no big deal for me to come over and do this stuff, and Lynne's cooking is so phenomenal.  We're really getting the better end of the deal"  (Seriously, Lynne is the BEST cook I've ever known.  Gourmet, superb cooking!).  Lynne looks over, sighs a huge sigh of relief and says, "See, Charlie! ...Charlie's felt like we've been taking advantage of YOU!"

We've all got different skillsets, people!  Some of us are good with power tools.  Some of us are excellent teachers and pastors.  Others can cook you into a Christmas coma.  And then I come in and do the dishes (that's my "skill" ;))

Although I'm sad to see them go, it just means that we've got another stop on our next Mississippi tour!  We're planning part 2 of what we did this past summer (Starkville and Indianola) whenever we're confident enough to travel post Baby Bravo.

Here's two of the friends we saw this past June...

We saw Jonathan and Holly on our trip that included time with our other favorite pastoral family, the Zellners, and are hoping that everyone will let us come see them again sometime. 

This past fall, we've been hosting a small group Bible study twice a month and have had a really wonderful turnout.  30-35 adults, plus kids, have come each week while two friends and I take turns cooking.  Charlie's been the discussion leader and we've really enjoyed getting to fellowship with such a fun group.

The rainfall in our kitchen a couple of weeks ago unfortunately put an end to our hosting abilities for the foreseeable future.



And on the subject of the house... we're in a hotel still but just got approval for a short term furnished apartment that we can move into next week.  Thankfully we'll be able to stay there until the house is completed (no idea when that will be). 

The extent of the damage is so severe that it will be months before everything is put back together.  The entire downstairs (with the exception of our master bedroom/bath) will have to be refinished in some way or another.  The upstairs isn't nearly as bad - new tile/carpet in the upstairs back guest bath and bedroom and maybe some painting.  But the only thing staying the same downstairs is the half bath toilet/sink and kitchen granite.

Which means we have  get to pick out new (just about) everything.  And that's a little bit intimidating for me.  I don't feel like I have any home decorating skills.  I know I like something when I see it, but I lack the ability to pull things together that fit.



So we decided to hire a professional to help us pick out cabinets/flooring/paint/etc.  We decided we had to get it done right the first time and couldn't afford to repeat the experience we had with our master bath in our previous home...

That time I decided I wanted a nice sage green wall color.  We painted that bathroom two different shades of green, both of which were hideous once on the walls.  And then we finally gave up and simply painted it the exact same blue of a friend's hall bath that I had already seen in person and knew I liked.

Ughh.

Anyway, God is good.  Even with the mess in the house and the uncertainty of when we'll be back in (I'm no longer holding out hope it will be before Baby Bravo comes), He has certainly taken care of us.  We have good insurance (and an even better agent!), incredible friends willing to help us clean up, pack, and move things in and out (and even 3 families willing to take our three dogs!!), and we're all healthy. 

Okay, I've probably droned on more than enough for one blog post.  If you've made it this far, you deserve a cookie.

And here are a few more of the photos from our photoshoot, just because I still haven't gotten around to actually printing them all yet!!